New Orleans Narcissus (by David S.)

Born in a Big Easy brothel, my mom had an economical amount of boyfriends named Jon who helped us pay rent. Okay, that’s not true and mom would kill if made aware of her son’s sordid sobs. The temptation to autobiographically fish-tale is great, but I can brag a luxuriously colorful life.
Just the facts: I am a handsome male and the ladies treat me well. The Mrs. is not pleased by for my aforementioned popularity --- a light cross I carry, moon walking. My hide currently hosts many hours of blu-black ink. Why currently? Because an uninsulated power line electrified me, blowing out the back of my left leg and taking with it twenty minutes of arm tattoo (litigation pending). Epidermal modification unearthed by desire to attract attention, then to prove, finally, I am really, really cool. Narcissistic --- never a truer adjective dubbed me by English majors.
A trio of half-brothers are the balancing, humbling force. My youngest older brother is a junkie. Fun at parties, good when backaches need relaxing. Another mid-brother is a Rush-Limbaugh-type (not in drug-use, but politics). Though not nearly rich enough to be Republican, scared by pre-Katrina New Orleans, he sought protection in the GOP. Multinationals gathering in one, bra-free city to bear bosom? A horrid event, in his psyche. I love it. Until recently, eldest-brother taught Hungarians English. As of last sighting, he smelled very Hungarian. Among my four European nieces it is agreed that his smell is puzzling; they swear that his is not the national scent.
Since high school, I’ve dabbled in hundreds of hobbies, a favorite being gator-wrestling. I am the Louisiana Gator Wrestling King of Mardi Gras, 2001. A disputed title, oui, cher. According to local opinion, just because one gets drunk and anoints oneself a title after wrestling a fat broad that looks like a gator from a piece of king cake.. Well, that doesn’t make you the first second millennium Louisiana Gator Wrestling King of Mardi Gras. Non, I say. Oh, and I am still a Saints fan.